Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Dad got quiet. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. No, we dont, she said. She told me she warships them. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. I was very nervous, she said. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Ive been sandblasted.. USA: Choppers This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Its where we park the helicopters.. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. 5. Aeronautical Humor. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Officer: Soldier. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Aviation JOKES. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. I was the tallest guy in line. Learn from the mistakes of others. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? The Scouts at least have adult supervision. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Semper Pie Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. 41. A military captain saying I was just thinking How tough? Me: Hello? Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Decodes 7. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. And )second Later, I spoke with Mom. 14. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Stay out of clouds. I just put them all together for your amusement. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Read more. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. "They're all mine. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. 17. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. 65. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. You had tents?, USAF: Birds The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. you cant do both. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. It was PRIVATE. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Did it work? Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. This site contains affiliate links. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp The Army will post guards around the building. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Caller: OK. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? He nodded. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 9. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. The c.i.a. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? At least SEVEN Cs! He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . 49. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Rodrigues? We have one or two in here! But yours is.. 1. Bad altitude. 6. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Anecdotes 2. She also liked her scotch. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Want more amazing military jokes? Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Aviation Humor. Return to Humor Index. Rodrigues there? ! An officer asked if I knew what it meant. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. 1. A Recruiter Misled You. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. A drill serGENTLEMEN! 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. Then one day I couldnt find it. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. What do hungry Marines eat? Ocean Pearl, I answered. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Louis, I grumbled. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. 64. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes The Lasting Supper What happened Sergeant? It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. March forth! Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. 50. 9. Me: Hello? The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Airmens mess, sir.. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Of course, he responded. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Later, I spoke with Mom. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. 11. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. . The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Eat up! Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Fish Food. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Chicago. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Takeoffs are optional. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . We were inspecting several lots of grenades. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. 3. In-dough-structible Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Do you have change for a dollar? Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. There are many branches of the military. But I had the last laugh. Its not weak, he replied. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Theyre U.S. AF! Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. 32. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. USMC: OHH! Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? We were a tough group. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. 35. Marine: Wait, stop. Marine: Wait, stop. It took the poor guy all day. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. 33. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. with someone braver than you.'. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! They throw out a pistol. 13:30 comes and goes. They know how to take up space. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers.
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military aviation jokes