my boss told me not to give greeting cards to older men because it could seem sexual, my coworker's husband is texting me and blaming me for their divorce, https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html, my manager and coworker are secretly dating, boss will never give exceeds expectations because he has high standards, and more, update: I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired, stolen sandwiches, disgusting fridges, dish-washing drama: lets talk about office kitchen mayhem, interviewer scolded me for my outfit, job requires an oath of allegiance, and more, update: a DNA test revealed the CEO is my half brother and hes freaking out, my entry-level employee gave me a bunch of off-base criticism. You don't have to fake excitement about every little . OPs husbands response is way out of line for a normal response. Its not bad practice to not accept food or drink from strangers, or let your drink out of your sight at a bar, but Id worry about those things much less in Las Vegas than in a local bar. You shouldnt be in a position to chose your career (which has very normal career expectations) and your marriage (which seems to have some very not normal expectations). The letter writer specifically ASKED about anxiety. OP, how long do you think you can tolerate his behavior? Before you talk with your husband, try tounderstand why hedidnt want you there. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. Actually, it would be easy for my husband to find someone who shares these views. Well the place was built by mobsters to skin the rubes in casinos . Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. Oh man, the broken-glass-on-the-kitchen-floor-for-a-month dude! That doesnt seem fair! However, I have to stay in London for a couple of days next week, and he encouraged me to go he said he needs to learn to be more independent and self-reliant. The ugliness. I only wanted to get someplace, anyplace, without slot machines. Yeah, I hate having that thought, but that was exactly where my mind went he is freaking out because he thinks OP is going to do what he did. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. Its literally the opposite of a fun wild weekend. Is this the only thing he gets so on-edge about? You can have a couple days where youre focused on other things! But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. People have stranger danger drilled into their heads, but woman are far more likely to be hurt/assaulted/murdered by a domestic partner or acquaintance. Dosomething small tobuild trust, and then your relationship will slowly but surely flourish. Vegas has more hotel rooms than any other city in America, and regular flights to an airport located in the city from every other major city in the country. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. The veg option at the two meals at the convention center consisted entirely of iceberg lettuce salad). Its not particularly reasonable to expect a teenager to make scheduled check-in calls, much less an adult! It was, instead, his own insecurity and abusive tendencies. I played Princess Bride slots for 45 minutes. I do the same. Can you believe it? Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. Okay, I've been chewing on this for a few weeks. They just find more things to get worried about. They might be mad that they're not invited . I think that it is much more scary to be hurt by someone you know, so people are more likely to believe in the bogeyman dark alley scenario. We are often there and then take the metro across town to the apartment where we stay at midnight. The touristy gloss. Your man doesnt have much of an opinion of you, does he? Leave your phone on silent. If something was going to happen to you, it could be anywhere. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. On which I shared my personal experience and directed to resources where these be explored further. I shut that down fast by reminding her I was working an evening shift that ended at 11 PM. This giant conference centers attached to hotels are a dime a dozen in Vegas, tons of flights from everywhere around the country go to Vegas and there are always deals on those flights, it just honestly makes sense to plan conferences and business trips to Vegas, especially if theyre for very large events. update: is my future manager a bigoted jerk? The Sin City stuff is absolutely the product of creating a specific image through decades of marketing, not necessarily a real reflection of what its like. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. Life is short. The follow up is what took it from possible anxiety issue on overdrive to controlling husband for me. I dont worry about it because why would i? But theres no need to snark at me for making/agreeing with a suggestion. He needs to manage his insecurities and not force them all on you and your career. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? I admit I am one of the omg WHAT commenters. None which should be affecting your ability to do your job. We actually started in couples counseling and it was working through that process that convinced him to go to individual counseling and go on medication. I mean, marriage counseling could still be useful, but an anxiety screening, too. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! Ugh. Boundaries we a serious convo. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. I could understand some concern about being on a business trip to an unfamiliar (at least somewhat) city but this sounds over the top. I firmly believe in the dont be a dipshit rule of travel, and it has served me well. Ill let my boss know that Ill need to leave work a bit early those days so I can get the kids from daycare., If it were my wife, my response would be Have fun Watch the lights in the sky to the north at night.,and Dont try to bet on 37 at roulette.. Anxiety is a beast, and the sooner he gets a support system and coping strategies in place for this kind of out-of-control thinking the better. He does that three to four times a year. You can even pick up brochures of holiday packages. And she would always schedule conferences for her small business in Vegas, for the exact reasons you listed. There are some cultures where marriage is really about the blending of two families. For me, this is a differentiation between asking for permission from the perspective of consideration for the other person (kids are the #1 reason here), and asking for permission because the nature of your relationship dictates that one person gets to decide what the other person can/should be doing. OP, we can all surmise the reasons for his behavior as much as we want to, but this sounds like something you and your husband should work out together in counseling (or separately in counseling, if that appeals more to him.) This reminds me of when I studied abroad in London and my mom warned me about people like Jack the Ripper. Sure, but then the question would be my boss wants me to go on a business trip but I have a new baby/my spouses parent is seriously ill/my house just flooded and I need to deal with insurance/whatever, how should I ask my boss if I can get out of it. Not that I am saying that the Letter Writer should invite her husband. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. You can use this space to go into a little more detail about your company. oceans apart 3 teile gratis. Its been 12 years for me. My husband has cheerfully seen me off to conferences in Vegas, Austin, Reno, San Diego, Milwaukee, and other cities. The Rio does have huge rooms! And his anxiety is HIS to manage, not hers. We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for the night along the way. Another option is to share infowhen you get there take a picture of where you are stayingshow the agenda, let him know what you are doing, check in at the end of the night. He will tell me if something is wrong as I will. I agree. and a lot to it more than the Strip. Get some counseling, dood. Youre obviously free to disagree, but I think its archaic and not okay. Go on your trip! That was plenty for me, for the social experience.). On a larger scale, I see a couple of concerning things here. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. One of my biggest gripes about Vegas is that most of the hotels wont allow food delivery carriers to deliver to your room. Yeah, Vegas is like Disneyland now. OP, only you can make the choice about whether this marriage is worth staying in. Counseling perhaps. OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. If you miss out on a promotion or are the first let go in the layoffs because you refused to go to this conference, you will look back on this with regret. Agree counseling would be a good place to start. Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. I used the work on policy areas around crime, and in the UK, people places with low crime rates have a much higher fear of crime than people from high crime areas. Either way you are not out of line; your company is not out of line; your husband is out of line. I agree. Unless theyre all really churchy (and the OP didnt say), if any of my previous partners said that, Id give it massive side-eye. :( Her husband seems like an abuser. You (both individually and as a family) need your income. You bet a quarter, watch and yell at the fake horses running around in a circle, bet another quarter, repeat. My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. At such time as we see abuse brought up as gratuitously as anxiety is, you might just have a point. Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. I went to Vegas for several scientific conferences back in the day, and I thought it was a weird idea until the first time I actually went. OMG, but the burgers there are sooo good! And added to that: if the husband doesnt believe its his issue, hes not likely to be willing to do the work of finding a therapist and getting therapy. One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. Definitely ask him to go to counseling ASAP to work out these issues in your relationship and like Allison said, if he refuses to go it could be very helpful for you to go alone. After the last Vegas conference 4 years ago, where more people got fired for misconduct than should have, my company has put a stop to holding regional or national conferences there. Certainly the OP needs to be careful with couselors. My husband and I went for our honeymoon, we had so much fun just walking through all of the hotels and people-watching, plus saw some really great shows. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures. He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. You are married to someone who spent three days while you were traveling for work burdening you withgroundless questions about your conduct. She should go and she should make therapy a minimal condition of continuing the marriage. Echoing this. I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. He couldnt leave her in a peace for five minutes on her last business trip, and is questioning the companys motives, all while she is the primary breadwinner? The kidnapping/roofie argument is the same nonsense my parents used to justify not letting my sister and me go to slumber parties but my brothers could go on trips to Europe. When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it. But its a pretty serious one-off.
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husband doesn t want to go on family vacation