funny bar mitzvah jokes

The following are some examples of how to deal with specific topics: If you joke about someones personal appearance, its important that your subject have a good sense of humor about the topic. One has a big black lab, while the other has a minuscule chihuahua. "Get out!" Share the following one-liners if you are looking for short bar jokes. A list of 41 Jewish puns! May you live to see your world fulfilled, May you be our link to future worlds, and may your hope encompass all the generations to be. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony. One of our founding fathers was basically a bartender! Where are they? The bartender turns to the band and yells, Frank, Ive got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!. I enjoy reading all the postings from around theworld. They put you to sleep and when you wake up, they give you lots of jello and ice cream. 100+ best anti-jokes for those who have a dry sense of humour, 50+ funniest Irish jokes that will leave your ribs aching. The NSA smiles and says, Heard it., The mushroom looks taken aback and says, Why? "No," answered the rabbi. Did you really have to get thatGentile Henry Moore to make the model? "What can I get you?" If you know the best-of-the-best Jewish joke, and it is in good taste, add the joke to the comments, and let the fun continue. Entry to adulthood? A guy walks into a bar and starts a drunken conversation with one of the patrons. John Goodman ( Roseanne, Argo, The Big Lebowski) and Dan Aykroyd ( Ghostbusters, The Blues Brothers) both sent us this gag. A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. Eats shoots and leaves. RELATED: 108 Dirty Jokes To Tell Your Friends That You Cant Help But Laugh At, The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The jokes revolve around the profession, serving drinks, types of tequilas, stereotypes, and everything funny that people observe. "Sex is a mitzvah within marriage, to have children. Pigs don't turn into men when they drink. Why did Youngman's joke-filled bar mitzvah come 60 years too late? However, some comments will bring joy, whereas others will not. January 14, 1980. You'll always be Mom's baby. Courtesy of my 13 year old son who is soon having bar mitzvah. Remember that the next time you see someone popping a bottle on TV. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. Even the cake was in tiers. Best Bar Mitzvah Quotes "If a girl comes to me first for a prom or a bar mitzvah and she likes the way she looks and her boyfriend likes the way she looks, she'll come back." ~ Betsey Johnson We recommend our users to update the browser. Laughing all the time will make you happy and cheerful every day. Holy f***. With my own eyes, I have seen him separate the inferior lateral gluteous from the ventricular pectoralis. ", A sandwich walks into a bar. Finally, when his nerves have cooled, and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, I bet your parents are really proud of you! He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, his spurs clinking as he walks, his six-shooter slapping at his furry hip. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" What just happened? After arguing about it for a few minutes, the guy says, Ill prove it to you. They go outside and walk to a nearby cliff. An oxymoron walks into a bar, and the sound was deafening. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. He asks for one beer, and one for the road. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Bar patrons love silly jokes, and especially bartender jokes. It's impossible to put down. Why didn't the bartender serve the snake? Judaism: collective religious, cultural, and legal tradition and civilization of the Jewish people.Judaism is considered by religious Jews to be the expression of . ", "Don't talk rubbish" replied G-d, "Wait till you see the bloodyneighbours I'm giving them!!!". How could we share bar jokes without including an anti-joke in the mix? A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered. A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it. I only want a drink. Bar and Bat Mitzvah: Coming of Age as a Jew. When you're honored by being asked to make some personal remarks in a Bat Mitzvah speech or a Bar Mitzvah speech, you're up. And a door. A man walks into a bar. Riddle. An hour later, the bees bump intoeach other again. He went to all the best venues, and all the most expensivecaterers and eventually settled on the plushest dining suite and themost outrageously expensive cater there was. Sort By New. Seudat mitzvah: A seudat mitzvah (Hebrew: , "commanded meal"), in Judaism, is an obligatory festive meal, usually referring to the celebratory meal . If your child had any sort of pre-birth or early in life medical complications, now is the time to mention it. The NSA Walks into a bar. You can ruffle feathers, but dont singe them or rip them out. I wish you much happiness and many blessings on such a special day. ", A horse walks into a bar. A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place. Why, what do you have? asks the barkeep. A skeleton walks into a bar. E-flat walks into a bar. If they are all pretty salty and irreverent, up and down, you can go a lot farther than if they are primarily prim, proper and socially conservative. Mazel Tov! Although your son's bar mitzvah is a serious occasion, you won't find a rule saying that your speech can't contain some humor. Tap To Copy. Whether youre out on a new date or hanging with friends, a great way to break the ice is with a good joke. Bar mitzvah definition, a solemn ceremony held in the synagogue, usually on Saturday morning, to admit as an adult member of the Jewish community a Jewish boy 13 years old who has successfully completed a prescribed course of study in Judaism. Come along and get drunk with these intoxicatingly funny jokes about bars. Back in the days of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, turning 13 might have meant moving out into your own tent, taking a spouse, buying a reliable used donkey and farming the land not exactly laughing matters. If need be, watch and listen to some excellent speech-givers or roasters for an idea of timing and attitude. Whats funny is i probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world and i cant wait for someone to call me in a month or something and say can you do these for my sons bar mitzvah. You may also want to try out some of these wine quotes that will uncork all the laughs. A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. What do you call a basement full of women? >>As he prepares himself for Bar Mitzvah, he is constantly hounded by his>>parents, reminding him, "You'll get presents, you'll get presents." Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Everything you need to know, Who is David Goggins wife? "Absolutely not," says the rabbi. ; An early episode in '73 had Jaye P. Morgan as a celebrity sitting next . The gentleman reaches into his blazer, searching frantically. Google me! Sure enough, the definition for panda was: A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. A baby seal walks into a bar. And for your other two wishes? asks the genie. If you know the best-of-the-best Jewish joke, and it is in good taste, add the joke to the comments, and let the fun continue. 1973: A contestant in the Head-to-Head match has the phrase "Marriage _____". Men and women always dance separately. Bartender jokes are another category of bar jokes that people enjoy. Where did you get that? France, the kitty says. ", A chicken walks into a bar. And thus the First Council of Nicaea, a gathering in 325 C.E. The chicken says, "That's okay. Include at least one good story. Jokes are made for pubs and taverns, so use our funnies to create your comedic moment. It's, In alt.humor.jewish on Wed, 17 Feb 1999 11:01:51 EST. What do they do? A highlight of many bat/bar mitzvah services is the short blessing or speech from the parents. the joke is just one of many funny jokes on Joke Buddha! Why you drinking so fast? asks the barkeep. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. She must be a poor old fool, he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman in for a drink. ""Well, what about sex?" And its OK to get a little edgy or negative with your humor, but do not cross or possibly even get too close to the line. A whine cellar! It was a Bar mitzvah. The jokes kill unnecessary boredom and awkward silences in between chats. RELATED: 100+ Best Pick Up Lines That Never Get Old, The bartender asks, Why did you do that? And the guy replies, Well, the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!, The first one says, Ill have a pint of blood. The second one says, Ill have one, too. The third one says, Ill have a pint of plasma. The bartender says, So, thatll be two bloods and a blood lite?, Hey, Ive got a great new joke for you! the barman says. I guess I was stoned off my ass. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! A unicorn walks into a bar and asks for a beer. replies the second. Doctor, there's a patient on line one that says he's invisible. But its important to try them out on a small inner circle beforehand. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on. It was an emotional wedding. A crab walks into a bar and says, Ill have a pint please, but if Im not satisfied with it, Id like to be compensated with 10 bottles of champagne., The barman says, We dont serve time-travelers in here.. But how does one write a funny bar mitzvah speech? It takes a little work, but it is certainly doable for those with the least bit of comedic abilities. First, you write an honest, heartfelt, serious speech, to get all of the mushy, poignant, tear-jerking stuff that needs to be said down on paper. Make your speech short & sweet, not long & tedious. Im a fun guy., As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, That shirt looks great on you! The man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. Conclusion: Offer your son a blessing. The logo should be Whimsical with a focus on a Jokes and Humor themed party. ", "Excuse me," said Adam to G-d, "Don't you think you are being a bit toogenerous to these Welsh? Pick one or two heartwarming or funny stories that truly capture the . Today we celebrate because you, as a new bar/bat mitzvah, are taking an important step in your life's journey: you are now on the path to adulthood. The bartender says, "We don't serve poultry!" I will never pay retail again.". "A Bar Mitzvah is the time in his life when a Jewish boy realizes he has a better chance of owning a team than playing for one" - Jerry Reinsdorf "I'm not a boy now. Above all, be sure to deliver your speech with a little verve, a touch of attitude and a whole lot of love. From Groucho Marx to the Borscht Belt to Sarah Silverman, many of America's best-known comedians have been Jewish. The bartender asks, "Olive or Twist? The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, "Hey!" We have a drink named after you!, A gorilla walks into a bar and says, A scotch on the rocks, please.. Break out these short, sweet bar jokes to turn any time into happy hour, Panting, he tells the barkeep, Give me ten shots of yourbest whiskey, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. You can also jot down ideas if you think of a good story, blessing, or quote for the speech. Be the first to get hottest news from our Editor-in-Chief, Check your email and confirm your subscription. A non-renewable natural resource walks into a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey. They'll never expect it back. We wish you all the best and know you'll grow into an amazing young man. Depends on the year. A waitress responds, You passed it on the way here., The bartender says, Sorry friend, I cant serve you; youve been getting wasted all day long!, The bartender says, How the hell did you do that?, The bartender says, Close the dam door!, The second whale turns to the first and says Frank, what is wrong with you?, This article was originally published on Oct. 29, 2019, A Mom's Hilarious Review Of Her Dad Watching Her Son Is Going Viral, A Man Went Viral For Refusing To Give Up His Spot On A Ride To A Crying Child. I hope I've had my artistic bar mitzvah somewhere" - Jeremy Piven (Ari Gold everybody!) and takes off. All Topics. Congratulations, Bar Mitzvah, Man. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal. Mitzvah Jokes Mitzvah Jokes Funny Jokes One day, two bees are buzzing around One day, two bees are buzzing around what's left of a rose bush. The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave. Recent; Random; Tell a Joke; One-liners. What did the bartender say when two jumper cables walk into a bar. It turned out, not all of the delivered people had excellent delivery. You have a drink named Steve? The Worst Bar Mitzvah Speech Ever Given. The bartender, quite surprised to see a unicorn in the bar says, "That will be $7.50; and by the way, we've never seen a unicorn in here.". The mushroom looks taken aback and says, "Why? Enjoy! Each guest pulled a classic Jewish joke written on a piece of paper and told the joke to the crowd. Lets take those three simple words and embrace the future! The joke competition was fierce. I want a cheese sandwich!, He bellies up to the bar, stares down the bartender, and proclaims, Im looking for the man who shot my paw., The bartender looks up and says, Is this some kind of joke?, I will grant you three wishes, intones the genie. ", The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. Statues of ice, spewing forth pink punch, were at either end of the long table. Holiday Jokes. Again, a minute later, he hears, You know, you dont look a day over 30. Looks around again, no one but him and the bartender, so he asks, Did you hear that? The bartender says, Its the peanuts. "It is strictly forbidden. Youll be the group comedian in no time. Tuko.co.ke recently shared 100+ awesome profile pic comments for Facebook. That's challenging enough, but I understand they're . Funny Jokes. "How's your summer been?" that is considered the birth of Christian antisemitism, gets the Mel Brooks treatment in "History of the World Part II," the long . If I wanted a double, Id have asked for it!, One of them says, Wed like a couple of beers, please. The bartender says, OK, but dont start anything., Panting, he tells the barkeep, Give me 10 shots of your best whiskey quick! So the barkeep sets them up, and the man knocks them all back in seconds. He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. When the bartender serves him, he says, "I see you didn't order a beer for one of your brothers. So what better way to disarm the room than with some punch lines? Funny quotes bat mitzvah free daily quotes. The best of these speeches are touching and often a little funny. And what's so wrong with dry turkey? Her position in the lineup doesnt make things any easier. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Why? The bartender says, Hey. asks the first bee. The first bee has an idea. ">> Well it was quite funny around the time of my Bar Mitzvah (1951), but>>might fall a bit flat with a modern audience. Mitzvah tank: A Mitzvah tank is a vehicle used by the Orthodox Jewish practitioners of Chabad-Lubavitch Hasidism as a portable "educational and outreach center" and . ". Have fun and get creative with your jokes. The caterer promised him agreat surprise on the night, one that people would talk about for yearsto come. One of the oldest Jewish jokes is about the 13-year-old boy who takes the podium at the front of his synagogue to recite his bar mitzvah speech. Especially to my Aunt Linda and Uncle Paul who flew in from New Jersey to be here. One day, two bees are buzzing around what's left of a rose bush. Funny Jokes. Did you really think I wanted a twelve-inch pianist?, The bartender says, Why the big clause?, The bartender says, You know, we dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla replies, Well, at $9.85 a drink, I aint coming back, either., The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. asks the first bee."Great!" The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. He says, Hey barkeep! He'd already been to the Cohen's safari bar mitzvah (see previous joke) and realized there was little in this world that hadn't already been done. I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year. But I think she went a little far when she kept the afikomen money. Or, Brian is pretty oblivious to Jewish stuff. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Come back tomorrow! Or, Barrys still living down the time he wore a neck tie with his tuxedo at Bill and Emmas wedding. Just then, he spots a lamp lying in the gutter. I didn't think orthopaedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected. A heartfelt speech peppered. The bartender says, Wow, Ive never served a weasel before. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he calls over the bartender. Get the news that matters from one of the leading news sites in Kenya, Kiambu Woman Dies, Leaves Behind Unfinished House Kenyans were Building Her, Little Girl Begs Man on the Road for Money, Video Surprises Many, Chris Brown Throws Female Fan's Phone into Crowd after Sensual Dance on Stage, Pastor Ng'ang'a, Wife Loise Pay Tribute to Home He Grew up In, Rigathi Gachagua Says Kenya Kwanza Gov't Is Building Kenya from Scratch: "I Want to Give You Hope". The crowd is expectant, the silence is nearly devastating and all eyes are focused on mom. Select A Torah Portion. Well, tell him I can't see him right now. A French man walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder. A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. We don't know what you think, but to us it sure looks like this Samoyed is telling a scary story or a special secret to this crowd of pups. My Jewish son just became a lawyer at age 13! A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. You are already subscribed to our newsletter! So he called NASA and arranged to have the space shuttle . asks the bartender. . The rabbi said funny you should ask me. In a booming voice, the genie tells the man he has but one wish. replies the second.The first bee, however, notices a small circle on his friend's head, andinquires, "What's that on your head? ", Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar. I too, brought up my son as a boy of faith, sent him to university and it cost me a fortune and then one day he comes to me and tells me he wants to be a Christian.". Here are a few funny facts thatll make good bar banter. Simon Masters wrote:> > Does anyone have any Barmitzvah jokes that I could use at my son's> Barmitzvah this Saturday (20th Feb)?>, > Many thanx in advance,> --> Simon Masters. A guy was in a bar drinking beer. This list is so good, even your sober friends will laugh at them. "I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.", "Why do Jewish men die before their wives? One says, Ill have an H2O please The second scientist says, Ill have an H2O too. The second scientist died. What happens to cars when they turn 13 years old? Can we finally have sex?" Did you know Abraham Lincoln had a liquor license and sold whiskey before becoming president? Humor. He asks, Whats so magical about it?, Two termites walk into a bar. ""Then I can't even dance with my wife after the ceremony?" And to keep things historical, early colonialists made alcohol out of almost everything, like tomatoes, carrots, onions, squash, celery, beets, and even dandelions. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie emerges. Bar Mitzvah, Cereal Karen Slater is the Executive Social Media Producer at Project Social. At her table, we had to include place settings for three stalkers.. T-shirts, posters, stickers, home de. replied the rabbi. And that was just the lox plate. Or, Debbies a certified public accountant. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. Youll be the toast of the night with these babies. !, The bartender says, Why the short face?, The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill. A mug of beer appears in his hand. Where did he come from? The friend pulls out an old lamp and tells him the genie inside will grant him one wish. Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". Finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife. 3) We have you highlight only the jokes/lines you really like and want to say. I'm a little nervous. Because they. A broke guy walks past a pub. A ghost walks into a bar and the bartender says, Sorry, we dont serve spirits.. Effective humor often comes from the place where total honesty and believable experience meets playful heightening and even a touch of the absurd. 'Well, to tell you the truth, 'the caterer replied, 'I tried Epstein,but he only works in egg and onion. A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it. For more joke ideas, check out our main collection of bar jokes that will turn you into the life of the party. Magic beer, says the guy. "Sex is a mitzvah (good thing) within marriage, to have children!" He pulls out a straw and takes a sip of his whiskey. A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, Id like to buy some peanuts., A weasel walks into a bar. Out of This World Bar Mitzvah A wealthy businessman wanted the most lavish, unique, memorable bar mitzvah for his son that money could buy. What you need to prepare the perfect Bar Mitzvah speech. "I didn't want them to think I was a Wasp.". The bartender thinks to himself, This gorilla doesnt know the prices of drinks, and gives him 15 cents change. Seems like only yesterday you had your bris. The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?". Miraculously, he floats back up and settles down next to the stunned patron. I will make itbeautiful and green, and underneath the land, I shall lay rich seams ofcoal for the inhabitants to mine. A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". The bartender tells her, Sorry, you cant bring your dog in here. Hes my seeing-eye dog, the woman replies, feigning offense. Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, Give me two more just like this one!. The man at the end of the bar says, I object to that remark. The guy responds, Why? Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright before you hear them speak. Thepeople who live there will be called The Welsh and will be thefriendliest people around. Instead of officially becoming a man, Youngman embarked of usually-funny one-liners. Maybe it was a woman. The bartender says, So, what will it be this time? The penguin doesnt answer because its a penguin. "Heard it." rd.com Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar. Is Uncle Joe extremely tall? More like entry to pre-algebra and the local mall. Two guys walk into a bar. On the night of the function, everyone sat down at the table to eat, thelights dimmed, and to a tremendous fanfare from the symphony orchestra,spotlights shone on the centre of the ceiling. First of all, it draws in an audience and makes them listen, creating a sense of relevance, inclusion and heightened anticipation. This could work: Everybody knows about the time Samantha bought 10 pounds of candy, carved and lit the jack-o-lantern and stayed home all night waiting for trick-or-treaters on October 30. "I turned to God for the answer," replied the rabbi. Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown. Theyve got millions of them!, The second says, Ill have half a beer., The third says, Ill have a quarter of a beer., Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. And one for the road!. What do you call it when a kosher sausage comes of age. Atfirst they're placed on jeeps; then when the brush gets thick, are placedon elephants. Each domain is like a snowflake, there are no two domains alike. As he prepares himself for Bar Mitzvah, he is constantly hounded by hisparents, reminding him, "You'll get presents, you'll get presents." "The first bee has an idea. shouts the barman. We dont serve your type here!, He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, So, do I come here often?. !, He asks the bartender, Whats with the meat? The bartender says, If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. I'm a fun guy. My Mother in Law Makes Important Parenting Decisions in My Marriage I Am Tired, Woman Says. The unicorn replies, "At $7.50 a beer, I can understand why.". After hes paid for their round and the two are sitting quietly, he asks her, So how many have you caught today? The old woman grins, takes a big sip of her drink, and replies, Youre the eighth., The bartender says, Want to hear a joke? The corn stalk replies, Im all ears!, The bartender shakes his head sadly and says, No, sorry. The first chemist says, Ill have a glass of H20. The second chemist says, Ill take a water too. The first chemist breaks down in tears. The haftarah can be as they say in show business a tough act to follow. The blind man ran his fingers over the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this crap?". The bartender says, Sorry, we dont cater for functions.. Bar jokes lighten up the mood of everyone and get people to engage their minds on a light note. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Joke: A Bee Attends a Bar Mitzvah Corny Jokes that are only funny because they are silly, crazy or make no sense. "Is it permitted for us to finally have sex? Youd drink fast too if you had what I have, says the man. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Give me a break. Without missing a beat, the woman replies, They gave me a chihuahua? 20% off is a bargain; 50% off is a mitzvah. If you need to flag this entry as abusive. Hekilled many, many mice. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. There aren'tenough flowers, therefore not enough pollen. Theyve got millions of them!, He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. Nowadays families can get so swept up in the details of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah party that the importance of the service can often play second fiddle. The NSA smiles. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here. Whats that voice I keep hearing? Oh, those are the peanuts, the bartender replies. Weve rounded up the best of the bestfunny jokesto keep the banter and laughter flowing. George R.R. If you ask one more time, Ill nail you to the wall! The duck leaves. The logo is for Riley's Bar Mitzvah. King of the One Liners reading Golden Oldies . Probably a dozen times and the jokes are still funny every time. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Funny You Ask Me "Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. When you share some good bar jokes, your friends will love you and enjoy your company more. Some people find it hard to do it, and that is why some of these fantastic profile pic comments for Facebook will help. The bartender says, Sorry, we dont serve minors., A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says hes drinking a magical drink. You could write: It makes sense that Joe loves living in the Valley, because when he stands up, hes actually above the smog. That line combines a gentle dig at a local geographic area with a gentle dig at an attribute height which almost no one is going to mind being ribbed about. Will Sally or anyone else mind that you made a joke about her attractiveness? All Bar, No Mitzvah. "I love all the attention," Brody, who . Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, Does anyone have any Barmitzvah jokes that I could use at my son's, "My accountant instructed to greet in this manner 'Greetings colleagues, "Welcome to this afternoon's technical seminar, colleagues." The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here." Two termites walk into a bar. You're on. There aren't enough flowers, therefore not enough pollen." The first bee has an idea. Then he tells me last week, he's decided to be a Christian. Several people get up and leave, sensing the danger of having a live animal in a bar. While the audience is friendly and the content of her speech concerns matters far less urgent than those of life and death or the very future of a nation she is nonetheless anxious and tense. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. With each chug, the mug magically refills. The problem isn't that obesity runs in your family.

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