Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Do you know why the game is called golf? Does a bear crap in the woods? This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. All through the night they made wild love together. Spread your legs a little more. I play Bass. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. I'll let you beat me. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. I stepped on a rake. Whos there? Always keep learning. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Sunday Service. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? putt." I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. The guys who come Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. 3. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. My shaft is bent. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. They like cricket better. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Happy Gilmore. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Their fore-fathers! A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. A dinner without wine. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Clubbing. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. 4. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Please sign up with your best email address. 2. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Sawdust City LLC. At the golf corpse! I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. How many strokes was that? A great shot is when you pull it off. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. ~ Sijin Bt. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. So, I'm on the first tee with him. 2. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. I never prayed that I would make a putt. had to choose, right ? 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Lee Trevino, 59. The means are as important as the ends. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." when we were married," said the pouting wife. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Go to the golf course. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? 8. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. ~ Victor Hugo. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Choose Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Lee Trevino. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. 20. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? There is no such thing as a natural touch. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? My three keys to success: One, work hard. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. What is a golfers favorite bird? No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Wanna be my caddy? Clubbing. Play golf. 1. 3 / 10. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. Just tap it in. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Because it would interrupt their tea time. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Your email address will not be published. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. "I'm the best. Your email address will not be published. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Their expectation, however, is very different. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Noah who? Lift your head and spread your legs. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. They have a hard drive. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Required fields are marked *. I like to go low. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? "Hockey is a sport for white men. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. -Lee Trevino It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. If you break 80, watch your business.". Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Jack Benny. Just in case they get a slice! All the fans are gone! My drives aren't always long and straight. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! I Am Shuvo Saha. 19. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Tahiti. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. but I can show you what is! The end. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Nuts! Achieve more with each and every round you play. 6. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. 4. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! 5. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Because her coach was a pumpkin. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. . Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? 4. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. fodrizzle. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Golfing? After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. I give the ball some sweet talk. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Eight. Required fields are marked *. How the heck did that happen? Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Because you got me soaking wet. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . I was actually enjoying it. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Here, have a carrot! 1. You must remember not to remember to think. You are signed up for our newsletter! They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Try choking donw on the shaft. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Tahiti who? I am a Musician. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Andy. Knock, knock Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. 3. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Many golfing terms sound naughty. PG Wodehouse. Roarin' Mcllroy The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Watch their eyes. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Damn, my shaft's all bent. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Or under. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? I know what to look for. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Two rounds a day are plenty. Jim Murray. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. 3. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; 5. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. The smile looks really good on you. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. You need to adjust your grip. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. 3. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. 21. Are you a water hazard? Because he walked into the wrong club! Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Find the ball. clubs. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Golf is very much like a love affair. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. First and foremost, you must have confidence. In the Golf of Mexico! He attacks it. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Bruce Lansky. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Knock, knock A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes.
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